... WORD OF THE DAY JOKES!!

Cause they are trending like crazy!!

Kikuyu word of the day Uterus.:”We know arsenal are the FA champions 2014 is not a must uterus!”
Kikuyu word of the day: roar – “The government should roar the price of basic commodities”
Kikuyu word of the day MOROCCO-eg ” its the hope of many kenyan artists that Djs and radio stations play morocco music.
Kikuyu word of the day: Tissue. Example: Kimani, you are doing it wrong, lemme Tissue how to dougie
Kikuyu word of the day MAINA: The casualties suffered MAINA injuries
Kikuyu word of the day MACHARIA eg.. The guests arrived MACHARIA than expected!
Kikuyu word of the Day AARON…Kamau was broke so he asked for aaron from Barclays Bank.”
Kikuyu word of the day ARROW..Njoroge’s phone rang,he picked it up and said arrow
Kikuyu word of the day: Mushroom. Example: I need to buy another sofa. There is too mushroom in my house.
Kikuyu word NDERITU…In a sentence: “John’s car stalled in traffic because of NDERITU fuel he put.
kikuyu word of the day wheelbarrow – we have no tea leaves left, wheelbarrow some from our neighbour
Kikuyu word of the day….”CHICKEN WING” Example in a sentence: “Njeri plays the Lottery everyday so CHICKEN WING some money”
Kikuyu word of the day:4.ROUGHENED – My sweetheart gives me ROUGHENED affection
kikuyu word of the day: WHEEL CHAIR .example,If you dont have money 4 food dont worry,Wheel Chair mine (sourced :http://nairobiwire.com/2014/05/hilarious-kikuyu-words-day.html)

 Luhya word of the day: Menopause Example: Chunga maisha pwana utang'olewa meno pause."
Kalenjin word of the day MAGAZINE: Huyo ni mtoto wa pratha ya papa yangu , sisi ni MAGAZINE. 
Luo word of the day '"Cyber" When Rose came back home alipata kama mwizi "acyber" kila kitu

Kikuyu word of the day: Cuddle. Leo hakuna stima itabidi muwashe cuddle
Kikuyu word of the day: EYEBROW. E.g. Please wait, before you go EYEBROW you a kiss.
Kikuyu word of the day SOLANGE. I wonder how JayZ kisses Beyonce coz his lips are SOLANGE.
Kikuyu word : IRIGU It is IRIGU to drive a car with tinted windows
Kikuyu word of the day “rav 4″ My rav 4 u is real
Kikuyu word of the day ‘kikuyu’. If you dont leave my house sai sai i have strong legs i will kikuyu out
Kikuyu word of the night is COBRA Usage: Nimepereka viatu kwa Cobra zishoneshwe.”
Kikuyu word for the day lumia Njoroge ako lum ya ciku wamelala
Kikuyu-American word of the day: ANGOLA In a sentence: ANGOLAgo now or I’ll be late
Kikuyu word of the day, PRIEST. “Are you the new pastor? I’m priest to meet you.”
Kikuyu word of the day; WANGARI: Huyu ni dereva WANGARI gani?
Kikuyu word of the day: LADY. ‘Yes sir, I am LADY to do my presentation..'”
Kikuyu word of the day..Horror…”When you get to town, just horror and i will come to pick you up”
Kikuyu word of the day SHAKE UP’Kamau is not feeling well,he needs to go for a shake up’
Kikuyu word of the day “LOL” The ball is LOLing on the ground
Kikuyu word of the day: CHINA : Viatu zangu ni chafu, nitapitia kwa choe CHINA
Kikuyu word of the day: Nerea: Nilionerea nitoe mimba yako
Kikuyu word of the day: Kupata matatu iko na wifi, nerea sana

Kamba words
Kamba word of the day is WIRE. Eg : WIRE ujinga bana! LOOL
Kamba word of the day “PAINT” Used in na sentence “Mutiso quick, call an ambulance, muli amePAINT”
Kamba word of the day: Ending. Example: Its gotten late. I should be ending to class now.
Kamba word of the day HONDA. At a hotel “Mutuku just get the menu and Honda for everything”
Kamba word of the day: L Example: All sinners will go to L.
Kamba word of the day HYUNDAI.. if a car hits u, Hyundai!!!””
Kamba word for the day is “Tumaini” and example in a sentence is “Tumaini twa ng’ombe ni tamu kuliko twa Mbuzi”
Kamba word of the day: BEYONCE Example in a sentence: Ndon’t copy me. Njust Beyoncelf.

Kalenjin word of the day: AGA : Eh! Si vera ako na AGA !
 

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KCSE 2010 RESULTS NAIROBI COUNTY/PROVINCE (ALL SCHOOLS AND STUDENTS)

For a complete list of KCSE 2010 results for all schools and students in Nairobi County/Province , download the PDF below. Click any of the links. In case of any issues comment below.

http://adf.ly/1WeDEb                                        
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How to remove virus turning files and folders into shortcuts. 100% working.

I'll go straight to the point.
1. Download the files below. You'll need them. Wait for 5s then click SKIP AD.

i. Smadav antivirus    link:   http://adf.ly/dT2hr
ii. Everything.exe       link:   http://adf.ly/dT2QD

2. Install both softwares.
3. Using Smadav scan your computer (harddisk ,registry etc) ,flashdisk/memory.
4. DON'T click fix all yet. That won't get rid of the virus. Trust me.
5.Open taskmanager (Right click taskbar)
6. Click processes tab. Look for wscript.exe.
7. Right click it. End process
8.Click Start . Search for msconfig
9.Look for wscript (under command) . Untick it. Click OK.
10. Now you can go back to smadav. Click virus tab.
11. Look for a path starting with C:\ or D:\   or whichever letter your hard disk is. Look at the whole file path is you will see the name of a file ending with .vbs. Copy or memorise that name.
12. Open Everything.exe and paste the name of the file.
13. Is should have an S kind of icon and there should several of them. It should end .vbs.
14. Click to select. Press and hold Shift then press delete to delete them completely. Delete all of them!!
15. Now you can go back to smadav and click fix all.
16. If it shows error . Don't worry. Thats because there is no longer any virus to delete.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!! If you got any queries please do comment below or you can email me mainakinuthia@gmail.com .. and if I have been of much much help, you can help me raise some cash for a laptop below. Thank you guys!!

Matatu Sticker jokes / quotes.

 

 Well Kenyan matatu's are known for their rather rude but wise sticker quotes/jokes. Here are some of them, feel free to add more:

1. Usilete stress kwa gari.
2. Usifungue madirisha, ungetaka upepo ungebebwa na bodaboda.
3. Kama una haraka ungesafiri jana.
4. Hakuna stage ya kumi,kula ndizi kisha ganda kalia uteleze mpaka tao
5. Kama una haraka sana shuka ukimbie
6. Songea mwenzako starehe ni kwa wheelchair
7. Wauliza konda, iko kiti? Kwani wengine wamekalia ndoo
8. Kulipa ni lazima Change ni ukikumbuka
9. Dere ana bibi,konda anatafuta
10. Kulipa fare kwa mwanaume ni kawaida lakini msupa tunaeza ongea
11. Marehemu alituacha kwa kukosa kufunga mshipi kama wewe
12. Unajifanya mkali kwa gari na kwako wewe ni bubu
13. Ungesikiza mwalimu ukiwa shule saizi ungekua na gari yako
14. Derefa ni yesu makanga ni saitani
15. Hatusemi wewe ni mnono lakini ukikalia viti mbili ..
16. Kushuta ni sare, kutapika soo
17. Kupanda ni popote kushuka ni stage
18. Kama inzi angeacha ujinga,angetengeneza asali 
19. Ati mwisho wa gari ni hapo, Kwani ikipita hapo inakuwa ndege
20. Ukiona fare iko juu ndiyo mwanzo wa msoto shuka ukimbize barabara
21. Salimia huyo ako kando, kukatiana ni mkishuka!
22. Msongee kidogo dere anashuka pale mbele uketi
23. Hata ukipimwa sitaki!
24. If you miss the driver, kiss the conductor
25. Heri kununua MATATU kuliko kuoa BIBI Mkorofi!
26. Ati hakuna kiti? Kwani hawa wako hapa wamekalia mikembe ya rangi
27. Hata maji chafu huzima moto
28. Kama gari iko na joto ,shuka upande fridge
29. Nyamba ukitoka
30. Kama hujanunua hapa usikulie hapa
31. Ukichengwa tulia!
32.  KARAO ALIPE GARI
33. mbuzi kala mkeka,wadaku mtaketi wapi?
34. Dere ni waya,konda ni faya..we huwesmek!
35. Hakuna stage ya hapo dere. 
36. Hata ukipimwa hakuna dawa
37. Starehe ya gari ni kupanda nyuma.
38. Dere ako sawa, konda fitty kabisa mbona wewe ni sumbua?
39. Mapenzi kwa gari ni wanne wanne ka orbit!
40. Unaringa na haujapimwa
41. Dere ni moto, Konda ni wazimu, usituletee stress kwa hii gari!
42. If the music is too loud then you are too old
43. Unajifanya ngombe ukamuliwe na nani?
44. Mzee ni wewe!
45. Ukitaka kuketi starehe,nunua gari yako! 
46. Unajifanya asali ulambwe na nani?
47. Si ati ni gari haina mbio ,jam ndiyo kubwa
48. Makosa ya marehemu ni kuwa hakutumia juala.
49. Kama utamu waua,sumu ya nini?
50. Usiharakishe dere...wee ndio umechelewa
51. Mdomo mkubwa chapati waikunjia nini?
52. More seat upstairs
53. Usitoe viatu kwa gari!
54. No calls please sms only
55. Juzi sare,,
    Jana sare,,
    Acha aibu.!
    Lipa leo!

University of Nairobi Chemichemi Wi-Fi network not connecting ?

Frustrating, isn't it? You followed all the steps in http://wiki.uonbi.ac.ke/doku.php. You downloaded that software that keeps saying chemichemi Failed ......retrying. You try to connect and you see a red X next to Chemichemi. You click and a message appears "The settings on this computer for the network do not match the requirements for the network".  Well don't start crying. It will only take you a couple of seconds to solve. Under Wireless Network Connection > Right click on Chemichemi > Click Properties > Under Encryption type change from TKIP to AES. Voila! C'est tout! Problem solved. If it works ,or not, or if you have questions, please do comment below. Hopefully those ICT guys will solve this issue soon.

The terrorists that attacked Kenya's Westgate mall are not of Islam !

I begin this post by first sending my deepest condolences to those who lost their loved ones in this tragedy and I pray to God that he may give you strength. For the injured I pray for you a quick recovery. For those with loved ones still under the terrorist hands, take heart for God is with them. I commend those who have waited in the long lines to donate blood in order to save lives, those that have contributed in the fundraising to aid the affected ( 40 M plus by the time this post was written) , those that have donated food to the law enforcement officers and those that have been praying for the affected. It is now the third day now since the Westgate mall was attacked by gang men, killing about 70 innocent civilians and injuring close to 200. Al Shabaab has of course confirmed responsibility for the attack. By the time of writing this article the defense forces are close to bringing the situation to a close. Al Shabaab aim for unleashing this attack is to force Kenya to withdraw troops from Somalia that were sent to liberate the country from this evil terror group. There was an attempt to start religious hatred, division , indifferences and war in the country, which has of course failed countless times. Kenya is a land of tolerant, peaceful, generous, caring, warm, loving and united people. Religion is never and will ever be an issue in Kenya! Wakajaribu kwengine!! We will never be separate or discriminate along religious or racial lines in this great country. I would like also to emphasis and insist that Islam (modern Islam) does not support terrorist or Jihadist activities and those that do so are opportunists that have twisted and doctored the Qur'an and Islamic doctrine to suit their evil and satanic ways. These are not true Muslims! Their religion is not Islam for Islam is a religion of peace,love and goodwill, it is a religion of Brotherhood, it is a religion that fights for the oppressed, it is a religion of tolerance, a religion of equality, a religion that stands for good and a religion that values human life for all life comes from God. These terrorists are of another religion , not Islam ! Their doctrine is not of Islam. Theirs is a past, primitive, doctored and evil doctrine and religion that is nowhere near Islam. As we continue to mourn for the departed and hope for the best, let us unite more than ever before. Let us show our solidarity as a people that can't be shaken. As people that don't fear. As a people that isn't intimated by cowards. As a people united under one God that created us. A people that will always stand and fight for the righteous. This evil invaded our borders and we pursued it. It has done so again and this time there have stepped on the wrong. We won't stop until Somali is liberated. We won't stop until East Africa is liberated. We won't stop until the whole world is liberated from terrorism. This unfortunate tragedy is the second worst terrorist attack since the 1998 bombing of the American Embassy that left about 200 dead and hundreds injured. But lest we forget, our country is neither divided by religious lines nor racial.. It is divided and in fact deeply divided on tribal lines. We insult each other on social media everyday. The amount of hate speech on social media is so much it leaks. We can point an accusing finger at these terrorists for the 70 deaths they have caused and call them savages, barbarians,animals, heartless!! .. but unfortunately and sadly, we are no different. We managed to kill more than a thousand of our own! No amount of terrorism even in Iraq can ever achieve that! May God have mercy on us and change our ways. Tafakari hayo..